Why blog?

I’ll be honest, I thought writing a blog would come easy. All these thoughts and emotions whirring round my head at a 100mph every day, it would surely be simple enough to just type them out. The truth is it hasn’t been easy. I have written, edited, deleted and rewritten this piece many times. I have agonised over how to explain different emotions in order to make what I write helpful to other bereaved parents, as well as informative for those that are here to get some insight on how to support them. So instead of jumping right in at the deep end I’m going to ease into this virtual world gently and explain why I am starting a blog.

I am under no illusion that I am very much in the thick of my grief journey. Mavy died 10 weeks ago. I have a long way to go before she isn’t all I think about all day every day. So why start a blog now? Why not. My grief is painful and raw, so surely it is the perfect time to share my experience. I’ve had so many people reach out to tell me how brave I am to do this. I’m not sure if I am brave. I think a huge reason for writing comes from wanting to talk about Mavy. A special place for Mavy and me. I love even just typing her name. Mavy. My daughter. She was here. She existed.

I am not a writer; I am not a grief coach. I have no qualifications in what I’m talking about whatsoever. I am a bereaved parent, and this unfortunately gives me experiences that I feel are necessary to share and talk about. Baby loss is still so taboo. Nobody wants to think about it let alone talk about it and that means loss-parents can feel very alone. I cringe at myself for some of the things I have posted on social media of late – will people think I’m attention seeking? That I’m obsessed with death of my baby? Let me try and explain it in simple terms. We see posts of living children all day everyday all-over social media. The first smiles, steps, first words. It is so beautiful to see, and those parents are so proud to share. Well the thing is, us loss parents, we want to share too! We are so proud of our babies, but we do not have those firsts to share. We only have the small amount of memories we made and quotes about grief that let others know how much we love our children. So yes, I am obsessed with my dead child, in the same way I am obsessed with my living child.

In the UK women are still entitled to a maternity leave if their baby dies after 24 weeks gestation as that baby is then recognised as a ‘person’. (This is so wrong and for those of you reading this who were on the other side of the 24 weeks I hear you and I stand by you. This will need to be an article of its own making at some point.)  

So, I am currently in a national lockdown, with a crazy wild 2-year-old, drowning in grief and wondering what the hell to do with myself. I love to read and have tried to educate myself on all things baby loss since losing Mavy. Knowledge is power after all. I’ve read a lot about mourning and how it differs from grief. From what I understand grief is something we cannot hide from; it is a range of emotions we must endure to process losing somebody we love. Mourning on the other hand is where we take part in activities to honour and remember that person. This blog is one of my ways of mourning Mavy. Following Mavy’s death I made a very public announcement on social media urging people to raise money for two charities which will help those that find themselves going through what I have in the future. I got a real buzz seeing that money roll in – this was Mavy’s legacy.

Aside from my own selfish reasons (sorry followers) I also have a strong desire to help others. I know that I am constantly searching out parents who have found themselves in this club, each one as inspirational and amazing as the next. I want to be that person others can search out, so they don’t feel so alone. If you are a loss parent or you are supporting somebody through loss please contact me or comment on my posts, let me know if there is something regarding loss you would like me to write about.

Sending love to all those loss parents and the friends and family who support them.

Emma xx

8 thoughts on “Why blog?

    1. Emma,
      I am so so proud of you. Holding beautiful Mavy and kissing her was such a precious thing. It’s so lovely to read about her here. I think about her everyday and you are brave and kind and amazing and beautiful inside and out.
      All my love to You, Adam, Nola and Mavy xxxx


  1. I love that you are keeping Mavy’s 💗 memory going Emma. Your carried her for 9 months and we were all so excited for you both watching your bump grow. We were all devastated for you both when Mavy didn’t make it 🥲 and wish with all our hearts thing had been so different. Your so beautiful and amazing Emma wanting to support others when deep
    In grief yourself. Iam sad I never got to meet her or have a cuddle, as it should of been. But I will always think of her as part of your little family. Sending so much love to you all xxxx


  2. Such honest lovely words Emma. I think your blog idea is amazing and a great way for you to put some of your many thoughts into a words that will hopefully bring you a new found strength in these dark lonely days and bring support to others that have experienced the same.
    Your a true inspiration xxx


  3. Lots of love to you and Mavy.
    Two sayings I heard recently are ‘Grief is just love with no place go’ and ‘Grief is endless love finding it’s way through your life’.
    Both really helped me accept my grief, to allow it to be, and not try to push it away or hide from it.
    Thinking of you all.
    Temperance’s Mummy.


  4. You’re a very strong person Emma, and its amazing that you are able to share your strength with others that may not have enough to deal with this themselves. You and Adam are such wonderful people and I know Mavys memory will bring you happiness through your greif. Keep smiling, we are always here for you.


  5. This is so inspirational I wish things were different but then you would never be writing this blog to help so many other family’s understand the impact of loss or support families who are on the same journey . Mavy will always be remembered and she is a special little girl in all our hearts 💕 keep her her memory alive and keep blogging you are truly amazing .


  6. Emma my beautiful niece , reading your blog filled me with so many emotions . This for me was a real insight of what you are going through and where you are at with your loss . It’s hard being away and in lockdown from someone I truly love and not being able to share their grief, hug , talk and help in any way as I would if co vid wasn’t around . Following your blogs I am hoping will help me know how I can support you through your painful journey too but also give me knowledge on baby loss. I have friends who have lost babies and like you say it isn’t talked about …I have been friends with some for years before they mention they had a still born or a miscarriage! This is so wrong and needs to change . A baby is a precious child and should always be remembered.
    Well done Emma for doing this , I am sure it will help many in many different ways ….like I say as for me it’s an insight into how I can be there for you my darling .
    Love you Adam , Nola and Mavy xxxx


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