I’ve sat down today in Mavy’s sunny bedroom – which is also my office – to write a little bit of a goodbye. I haven’t been active on my blog lately. I’ll be honest – I’ve been avoiding it. At first, I wasn’t sure why as I love writing but, I think I may have figured it out.
Since Mavy died I have become the most active I have ever been on social media. I’ve been searching out those like me and writing my blog as I just want friends and family to know what Mavy Kellegher truly means to me, Adam & Nola. It has been a comfort and I really believe it has helped me. However, there is a Yin to every Yang and I also feel that now is the time to step away from parts of this virtual world.
Let me explain. I write my blog which I plug through my Missing Mavy pages on Instagram and Facebook. My following on Instagram is quite understandably loss mum and dads – incredible people who like me, want to share their children. This means when I log onto my Instagram, as I scroll through, I see square after square of strong but broken parents sharing quotes and pictures of their dead babies. I see the raw reality of what I face every day. Yes, sometimes this is comforting as I do not feel so alone. I love looking at those pictures at times and acknowledging how beautiful and loved those babies are. I love commenting “me too” when I really resonate with something a fellow loss parent has written. I’m also ashamed to admit that sometimes I can’t cope with a new story of heartbreak. Sometimes I just want it all to go away and I want to see happy stories. I want to see inspiring posts about some of my other interests. What I’m saying here may be controversial in baby loss world – after all we need to speak out to raise awareness and I fully support that. Perhaps I’m being contradictory anyway as I am active in posting about my dead baby too. Baby-loss is complex, and we feel how we feel. I don’t need to explain this in great depth, it just is what it is.
Most of us have a love hate relationship with social media, don’t we? Great for connection, seeking out others in your situation, finding groups and classes and so on and so forth. It is also bad for connection with real life people you can physically reach out and hug, negative at times and we can value ourselves on how many likes, comments or shares we get. Although I never thought it would be, this is something I noticed myself doing. Blog about my baby dying – people interact. Blog about my weight following my baby dying – people do not interact. I started this blog to talk about everything in my world of baby loss. I started it as an outlet and to reach those who needed it. Just to make it clear I write to raise awareness, not for likes. However, there is a small part of me that is bothered by people’s reactions. Okay, maybe a large part of me.
Like many others I can easily spend an hour scrolling through social media in the evening. The biggest gift that Mavy has given me is that now I know that life is so short. Life is worth living. Life should be filled with things we love and enjoy. So rather than being half present in a virtual world I could be cooking a nice meal with my husband, practising yoga, meditating, enjoying a book…the list goes on. These activities make me feel close to Mavy and they help to heal me mentally, spiritually and physically. I need to find some balance.
This goodbye is for my Missing Mavy pages on Facebook & Instagram. I love writing and I will always seek comfort in the baby loss community, who I hope in turn continue to seek comfort in me. The blog stays! My contact page and email address firstname.lastname@example.org will always be available for anyone who needs me. I will continue to update my website; I’ve got lots of ideas!
Thank you to everyone who has visited my page. I have had over 2500 visitors over 18 countries in the last 6 months and each of you now know Mavy Kellegher and that brings me so much comfort. If you enjoy reading my blog and want to stay in touch with me please subscribe to www.missingmavy.com. It’s free to subscribe and you will receive a notification to your email when I write a new post. Please feel free to share any blogs I write on your own social media too, so Mavy and my words can reach far and wide.
Perhaps I didn’t need to write a whole post explaining my reasonings for deleting my Missing Mavy social accounts. There is a part of me that feels I am letting Mavy down. However, that part of me can shut up because I know that’s rubbish. Enough of the guilt. She would be proud of me and I know that.
Sending love to all those loss parents and the friends and family who support them.